Finding Joy

Mary Poppins is one of my favourite people. I love that movie for many reasons. It’s quite strange that I didn’t become a nanny! There is one scene that has played over and over in my mind lately - Everything in the household is going wrong and then the wind changes. It actually blows away all the other prospective nannies and clears the way for good old Mary. Winds of change. Bringing Hope.

It is as if God has ignited a tiny spark in me again. And i love it. But then i immediately regret it and push it away. Up and down i go like a little boat bobbing on high seas. Now you see me, now you don’t.

This morning i was feeling particular happy, or i must rather say, Joyful. A deep Joy inside wanting to bubble out. I immediately suppressed it, thinking i am making a fool of myself by being so joyful. Thinking that I definitely do not deserve this happiness and probably that it won’t last long. The Realistic Pessimist talking. Get real Bella, something bad probably will happen, this can’t last, you are not that special, blah, blah, blah....

But somehow the Joy pressed through and by lunch time I was still quite happy. I was surprised. The Joy lasted for a full morning. Still going strong by mid afternoon....

At this present time there are a few reasons why i am happy, but this Joy is deeper than that. I have learnt that Reasons get lost, frizzle out or die. Joy is not always connected to Reasons. Happiness, yes, but not deep down Joy. I think my wind of change or turning point came when i saw this little quote:

And it got me thinking. I can write my story. I can even like my new story. I can Love my life. I might be a little plant growing in a cement crack, but i Can still flower. And i must! Disclaimer though....i may be able to write my story but God still directs my path. I still commit my ways to Him. He is ultimately in control. But i can Live and Love my Life. And thank God who gave me Joy again! I can choose to believe the truth and live this life in abundance. I am God’s daughter. Not a forgotten Cinder-ella. I am beloved. And this gives me deep Joy. And it’s ok. 

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. ... Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him...

Bella, finding Joy