This morning as I was going about my usual business on this Monday morning, I suddenly felt flustered and kind of in a panic. I was seriously doubting myself and the job God gave me. I was putting unnecessary pressure on my boys all of a sudden. Long ago patterns emerging again of The Need to Perform. What on earth was I doing? Well, I was trying to fight off feelings of condemnation! With the sword of justifying myself and working extra hard….not good at all. So I did what any sensible mother would do, I fled. Yes, fled before I maimed someone in the process.
In the house (we have a school room outside now!!) my dear husband listened patiently to my pathetic attempt to explain myself and my tears….i felt soooo condemned! I couldn’t put my finger on anything specific, or pinpoint exactly what was the problem, I just had this vague feeling that I am not good enough and my life is a sham. ??
As I spilled my sad story the Lord reminded me of the wise words from a fellow student at Bible College a couple of years ago. She shared about Condemnation and Conviction. When you are convicted by the Holy Spirit it is always very specific and clear. You can repent and ask forgiveness, grow and move on. Not so with being condemned by the enemy. Condemnation brings a vague feeling of being in the wrong, not good enough, not “perfect “enough, never anything specific that you can sort out….and that was what I was feeling.
But the Bible is very clear - Rom 8:1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus
No condemnation! Conviction, yes! Conviction helps you grow, helps you become more like Christ, but condemnation keeps you wallowing in the mud. More like Stuck in the mud and that was where I was!
Some hurtful words and actions started a snowball effect in my mind and it grew bigger and bigger as my day progressed. Up to a point where, after having my eyes opened and only in Jesus Name, could I say “Stop”!
Even thinking back now to this morning, I can scarcely believe how upset I was and how now looking at it, it seems so well, stupid really! But I can clearly see the devil’s hand in it all. If you feel condemned you think there is no way out. Or you think of wrong ways out. Justification, revenge, retaliation, blaming someone else, etc, etc. But with conviction there is only one way out and that is through Jesus’ forgiveness.
Through God opening my eyes I could shake of these false accusations and go back and do my thing! With confidence in who He is and who He says I am!
Rom 8:1 and 2 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,
because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
Bella, free indeed!