I had this picture yesterday of an aircraft mechanic.... There is this plane in the hanger, actually the remnant of a plane. Little bits and pieces, larger odds and ends all strewn across the hanger floor. Someone walks up to the mechanic, hands him a hammer, a bucket of spit and a roll of ductape. His mission? Putting the plane back together and letting her .....yes, believe it or not - fly!!!
And that just about sums up how i feel about my role in helping the sick people in our village. A one woman show, armed with spit, grit and a bag full of tea.....
Oh, for a real hospital! One where i can send my patient to someone for tests, x-rays, antibiotics, into a clean bed!!! But no. I make a plan, clean up wounds, dish out tea, mix salt water and send them off with a prayer. It is not that there are not any other help, it is just either 5km in one way or 15 to the other side. Once there the malaria tests may be finished, the treatment even more basic and most things cured or die trying with paracetamol. The options are, to say the least, very limited.
Yesterday i saw a small baby with what i suspect pneumonia. Her mom, a 15 year old, had already tried the clinic. A no go there. So she came to me. I would have liked to admit her, waltz in with my physio equipment and help her as part of a team. But it was just me. After giving her something for the fever and again asking her to go to the hospital i sent her off with a prayer - pleading God to intervene, because other than Him helping, i could not see much hope.
Frustration, sadness, and helplessness overwhelmed me. I wanted to scream at the sky "Spit, grit and a whole lot of ductape...erm Tea??"
A long time after this i was just quietly sitting, albeit a bit defeated, at my desk when God said softly, "Just do what you can. I will handle the rest." It appears i am not a one-woman show after all.
And that is exactly what I had to learn yesterday, again. God called me here. He knows what in can and mostly what I can't do. I need to trust Him for each and every one that comes here. Each and every one. Just a note here - i am not "playing" doctor, i help out of the pure and simple fact that their options are VERY limited, i act out of neccesity. I do not function here from a strong and self-assured place. I function from a weak and dependent place. And I do not like it one bit. I want to give my best and work in my best capacity not like this, floundering. But God's ways are usually the Topsy turfy way in my world.
The thing is, i have seen so many people healed and not get infections in serious wounds that, that alone should boost my confidence! But no. I want to work as the world works and it is just not possible here.
And so, in this place of constant humbling, i bow before my God and acknowledge Him as the Giver and Taker of life. I acknowledge that He really does know best and has a plan for me here. I need to walk daily with Him. Person to person and trust that He can use spit, grit and a whole lot of ductape to bring His healing. Because we all know that spit, grit and ductape can definitely not help with healing in any case!!
And so, i step out again in trust - trusting Him more and more and choosing to believe that He has work for me here. In His Name. With whatever He gives.
Bella, decked out in ductape and faith in a God who does not fail me.