Coffee along the way

Coffee along the way
Coffee along the way

October 05, 2016

One woman show....

I had this picture yesterday of an aircraft mechanic.... There is this plane in the hanger, actually the remnant of a plane. Little bits and pieces, larger odds and ends all strewn across the hanger floor. Someone walks up to the mechanic, hands him a hammer, a bucket of spit and a roll of ductape. His mission? Putting the plane back together and letting her .....yes, believe it or not - fly!!!

And that just about sums up how i feel about my role in helping the sick people in our village. A one woman show, armed with spit, grit and a bag full of tea.....

Oh, for a real hospital! One where i can send my patient to someone for tests, x-rays, antibiotics, into a clean bed!!! But no. I make a plan, clean up wounds, dish out tea, mix salt water and send them off with a prayer. It is not that there are not any other help, it is just either 5km in one way or 15 to the other side. Once there the malaria tests may be finished, the treatment even more basic and most things cured or die trying with paracetamol. The options are, to say the least, very limited.

Yesterday i saw a small baby with what i suspect pneumonia. Her mom, a 15 year old, had already tried the clinic. A no go there. So she came to me. I would have liked to admit her, waltz in with my physio equipment and help her as part of a team. But it was just me. After giving her something for the fever and again asking her to go to the hospital i sent her off with a prayer - pleading God to intervene, because other than Him helping, i could not see much hope.

Frustration, sadness, and helplessness overwhelmed me. I wanted to scream at the sky "Spit, grit and a whole lot of ductape...erm Tea??"

A long time after this i was just quietly sitting, albeit a bit defeated, at my desk when God said softly, "Just do what you can. I will handle the rest." It appears i am not a one-woman show after all.

And that is exactly what I had to learn yesterday, again. God called me here. He knows what in can and mostly what I can't do. I need to trust Him for each and every one that comes here. Each and every one. Just a note here - i am not "playing" doctor, i help out of the pure and simple fact that their options are VERY limited, i act out of neccesity. I do not function here from a strong and self-assured place. I function from a weak and dependent place. And I do not like it one bit. I want to give my best and work in my best capacity not like this, floundering. But God's ways are usually the Topsy turfy way in my world.

The thing is, i have seen so many people healed and not get infections in serious wounds that, that alone should boost my confidence! But no. I want to work as the world works and it is just not possible here.

And so, in this place of constant humbling, i bow before my God and acknowledge Him as the Giver and Taker of life. I acknowledge that He really does know best and has a plan for me here. I need to walk daily with Him. Person to person and trust that He can use spit, grit and a whole lot of ductape to bring His healing. Because we all know that spit, grit and ductape can definitely not help with healing in any case!!

And so, i step out again in trust - trusting Him more and more and choosing to believe that He has work for me here. In His Name. With whatever He gives.

Bella, decked out in ductape and faith in a God who does not fail me.

October 03, 2016

Time, seasons and going on forevers......

Time entrapment, that is life here and now. And sometimes it feels as if This will never pass. Whatever the This is, it feels forever. And a day.

If i look out my window, i see dull dead grass browning and withering away in the deadly African sun. I see mostly blackened fields burnt down by runaway fires. I see dust and dead leaves, even if it is supposed to be "Spring". You cannot seriously call it Spring here....more a death grip of inbetween times before the rains come! Dust and dry red soil, powdery when you walk in; causing little dust clouds around your feet, turning them red. Every year it feels like it will never rain again. It seems like we will be stuck in this dry and hot time capsule until the end of time.

This "This" can be a number of things - each of us may have any number at one time. From serious diseases, to broken legs, to foot fungi to being a mom with toddlers, to doing mundane tasks from day to day and everything in between. It feels like things will never change, never let go, never let up.

I am working my way through Isaiah - slowly but surely. A lot of pride, idols, not following God, death and destruction are recorded in those pages. Interestingly enough it all has an undeniable time stamp on it. Things will not go on indefinitely. Kings will die, nations will dissapear. Earth as we know it will pass. Times will change. Only God is above time, timeless and wonderfully so!

Toddlers will grow up and out of our hands, people will get better or not, flowers will grow and rain will fall, wind will blow and dust will settle or blow in my face. Nothing is forever on earth even if it feels like it. Nothing. Even the good stuff.

I look out my window and i see dryness and dust, but the closer i look the more i see. I see trees with green and new leaves - no hint of rain in the air but they show Hope that it is coming....albeit in a couple of months, it Will Come! Things will change. Hope is green new leaves defying all the dust and dead grass around. Trees that Know without a doubt that this season too will pass.

And in my own life i think and drink deeply on this sight. This too shall pass. I lean back against my Father and look again. I see times that drag on and on but come to an end, i see Hope that there too He will be. Nothing is forever only Him and in that i rest.

Bella, timetrapped but free.