Coffee along the way

Coffee along the way
Coffee along the way

June 28, 2012


Sitting in a crumpled heap, tears streaming down my face…..yes, this is a normal day.  It is not easy to live here.  Isolation, always being an outsider (even in my own country) makes me feel very sorry for myself at times!  Other times I cry for the people here - the hopelessness of the situation just makes me weep with frustration …..tears, and more tears.

I was flooding my floor with my tears again one day while thinking WHAT to share with the church back home…..”Yes, we are still learning – the culture, the language, how to keep on living here…..the same old same, I guess!”  Well, while contemplating all this I realized what I would LIKE to share is God’s miracles – not small ones but BIG ones – to give Him glory, to wake up and shake the church so that they will see that He is the Living God and prove it too….but nothing came to mind and so I did what I do quite naturally, I cried.  I know, not very strong am i?

In any case when we are weak, I mean really weak then God can be strong – so as soon as I was out of the way the Lord showed me a wonderful picture to make me see (me, not the church!!)  And it has encouraged me so much, even though it doesn’t take away the hard, the difficult or the tears….
When a farmer is preparing a new field, he has a lot of hard work to do.  He needs to take out all the grass – roots and all, chop down trees – roots and all, drag away all the piles of rubbish, flatten the land, get the plough  out and plough it up a few times. Extremely Hard Work!  (and if you don’t believe me just take a spade and go dig up a tree!! J )

And this is where we are – not in the wonderful-fruit-bearing-harvest-time, but in the time of preparation – a time marked by tears, toil and sweat!  But our eyes are on the harvest to come!!  Literally Preparing the Way!

And so I am encouraged to keep on.

Leeland’s song – “Tears of the Saints” says it all:
“This is an emergency
and there are tears from the saints
for the lost and unsaved,
we’re crying for them Come back Home! 
Father we will lead them home……”

Bella, preparing and being prepared

June 18, 2012

Perspective oh where art thou??

I do wonder sometimes how my life looks from God’s perspective, because from here below it sure does not look successful…..

I became a believer 15 years ago after trying and searching in my own way to come close to God, but in the end He did it all!  Since then I have never doubted my salvation – but my worth, oh many times!
From an earthly perspective my most productive years really were the three years spent at Bible college – even though I only did 1 ½ year of studies, I still ministered in the Kid’s Club, Home Based Care, reaching out to Mozambique, etc.  After that, and obviously as my life with three small children of my own (born in 3 years!!), got more busy at home, ministry opportunities dwindled.  And not of lack of trying!  I did courses with students at night when the boys were asleep and so on, but as time went by things just changed – it was as if God was holding me back.  Yes, I did reach out in a different way – moms and tots for example – but things just didn’t work out as I had planned…….

And now here in the bush where we live and I homeschool my kids, keep the house (which just takes way more time as everything has to be done from scratch!) and I try and learn the local language I just feel so useless.  I can’t share the Gospel with anyone (yet), I can’t help too much (and create dependency), and it sometimes feels as if I can’t do anything……

BUT, this is when I look at my life through the world’s eyes – and yes, even through the churches’ eyes!  God sees and does things differently.  And here’s an object lesson just for me…..
As I was typing this up I was called out to help our chief who sprained his ankle and then a small boy with a burn wound….when I finished bandaging them, I looked up into the most amazing smile coming from the little boy!  And this coming from a Y who can be so stoic.  (I once pulled out a thorn 6cm long, without the patient even wincing, crying or anything!)  So, I got my reward and am reminded to look through God’s eyes at my life – even though in other’s eyes I might be nothing I can know that God values me, so, so much….and you too.

Recently a close friend wrote – for Bella – Isaiah 43:4 “Since you are precious and honoured in My sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you and people in exchange for your life.’
Bella, as always blown away by Pappa God’s love for me.

June 07, 2012

Humbled me.....

If I would ever write a book about my life the most fitting title probably will be "The Humbled me".  That sure sums it up!

I went to my language “helper” today.  She was not helpful.  In actual fact, she was bored with me, she kept sighing and saying the words very fast before I even had time to think!  I asked her a few times politely if she was not feeling well, I asked if she had had a bad day, lots of works still to do? – but no, nothing…….so I kept at it – trying to be quicker, trying not to bore her.

Then worst of all, a man came by to visit.  After all the greetings were over he asked what I was doing with the book.  She said, in Y, that  I was learning the language, whereupon he burst out laughing.  At this stage I was still smiling and tried to look at least Y intelligent-ish….but to no avail!  The next thing I heard was how little I know (this coming from my language “helper”) how slow I am and a few other things which I am very glad I did not understand – but I did understand the main gist of this extremely painful conversation!  So I said after a while – actually practising my newly acquired phrase – "Oh, yes, I do understand" – shocked faces there for a minute and then, just when I thought things couldn’t get worse they started talking really, really fast so that I won’t understand – wow, I was never gossiped at, at this rate and as I was watching!  Level  9 of humbledness……..

I guess this is my thorn in the flesh – my language helpers (past and present!)  But life continues and when the time comes for the next session with her I will slowly make my way over there, swallow the little pride I have left and learn this language even if it hurts!

Bella, humbled over and over……for the sake of the Gospel.