May 22, 2010
Yesterday we did some interviews and personality tests and, lo and behold, if i answered b), his was a) !! We didn't do it together but i mean it was sooooo obvious!! The poor lady doing the interview probably thought - poor husband and then maybe poor wife (as i got to go first!) haha Yes, opposites we are!!! and we have the "test" to prove it - as if it didn't come out just about in every scenario!!
But in saying all of this, i want to give credit to my dear husband! He is the stabilizing factor of this unpredictable and sometimes crazy woman! He is the one who keeps me focused and brings me closer to God. He is the one whom God has used to open my eyes to so many misbeliefs i had about our Father and i thank my God for him!
opposites we may be, but i see it more as two halves forming a whole - a and b!!
May 16, 2010
I was feeling very tired thinking about the week that lay ahead, all in neat little compartments and everything mostly very predictable!
in our village, life is rarely predictable and i guess i have just become so used to this Unpredictability, that too much predictability and inflexibility really gets me down!
I mean, school always start at 7:50 (and they have bells!), classes at 8:30, shops open at 8 and close at exactly 7 and so on! The traffic lights change after every few minutes, the microwave ticks of the minutes to the second! You turn the tap and water comes out, you flick the switch and the light comes on - and if it doesn't, you find out why very quickly.
All good things, for sure! But i must admit, Africa at her best does not work like this! Maybe the shop will have what you want, maybe the shop will even be open! Maybe the truck is still stuck on some border or river crossing. You need something today?? Good luck if you set your heart on it!! All you will probably gain by thinking along these lines is high blood pressure, which i predict will happen if you continue in these unrealistic expectations!! :0
Somehow it's part and parcel of deep, dark Africa, but also part of her allure....yes, it does get one down some days, but i do miss it! I miss not quite knowing what, where or when things will happen!! I miss getting up without a fully worked-out program! Don't get me wrong, i do do my work and have a rough program to follow, but it's never set in stone! It can't be! What do you do if you are cooking supper and a baby is about to be born? Do you look on your schedule to see if it's slotted in? Or what if the tank overflows or the veld burns down or there's a rat in the kitchen?? These things do not like to be put on hold!! And it definitely does make the days more interesting....
Ah, i guess, i just miss "home".....
May 08, 2010
last night a good friend phoned and i didn't recognise her voice!! I know how her house and little one looks like, her friends and places of ministry, but i haven't heard her voice in more than 9 years! ?? so much for facebook, blogs and so on!
Why do i blog, post on facebook, write emails?? Is this really the way to go? I wonder....
Although it really does fill a gap, taking into consideration that we live remotely far from anyone, i do feel the need to "talk" with someone face to face from time to time!
Even to blog is really only a monologue isn't it? (which is ok for this introvert, most of the time - i guess - at least i can finish my sentence!) But does the typing sound of the keyboard fill in the blanks? Can you read between the clicks??
"A lone voiceless voice into a void" is then more an appropriate name for my blog!
But on the other hand, writing has become an outlet in my situation, not so much as getting info across but more of getting what is going on inside of me into some kind of understandable order.
And so to answer my own question, i guess i write mainly to myself about myself. Not very deep, i'm afraid!
On the positive side, i will visit soon with my friend whose voice i didn't recognise, but at least i will know what she looks like!!! :)
May 05, 2010
Last night i watched this movie "Motherhood" which was quite funny and in many ways very real to my life....
I haven't had a "real" job (whatever that means!) or exercised my grey matter much over the past 10 years (as a mother), apart from learning a new language or living and thinking cross-culturally, but i'm not sure if that counts! Well, next week i get the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to undergo a refresher course on first aid and then a 5 day Ship's Captain's medical training!! Stitches and all!! Whoohoo!! And to top it off we get to practise what we've learned in the ER room on a Friday night!! I can't think of anything more exciting than this!! Until i really started thinking.......
I clean forgot about my inability to focus on myself for longer than 5 min. Not that i'm for the Me-Time thing at all - it's just that i have quite a busy household! In any case, will i be up to it?? Yes, i have medical background and even worked in trauma ICU, but that was ages ago before i had to share my brain cells with my kids!! ;) But this will be a week, yes, a whole week, where I get to do and learn about stuff I love!! WOW!
But then Panic set in again and all i could see was myself fainting on the very dirty floor of some obscure government hospital, while the poor patient loses all confidence in the ones there supposed to be helping! My, oh, my, what did i get myself into?? BUT as I was typing this i was just reminded of these words.....
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you your heart's desires!"
Thank you for this wonderful opportunity Lord, thank you for knowing exactly what i'm like and even what i like and need! I will trust You on this one too!
May 01, 2010
i like taking my boys to school - i get to meet new people every day! "Hi" and "Bye" in front of the gate! Or i sit and wait for the boys' judo to finish or rugby match and i get to "talk" to the parents waiting.....not much, but hey, it's something isn't it??
Oh, how i miss having a good (girl)friend who finishes my sentences and knows when to laugh at my silly jokes and when to cry with me......(and just for the record, my dear husband is my best friend, it's just that i also need women in my life!!!)
it's one thing to be on furlough but quite another to be in a place where you know no one much deeper than "Fine, and you?"
I do think the Lord has me going through this for a reason - a lesson i really struggle with - finding myself in Him, being with Him and becoming strong in Him! What a hard lesson, i tell you! I once wrote "In acceptance there is peace" in a joking manner but what a true statement - esp for me!! Acceptance comes after a long and hard battle fought from my side!
Yesterday someone asked me what my greatest need was out there in the bush and I said "A Wonderful Woman Friend!" Afterwards i felt really guilty as i wondered if i haven't learnt a thing in the past couple of months!! Do I trust God to fill this need? No, sadly not! And now i have this man praying for something i know the Lord will not give an ear to (most probably later when i have accepted my "lot"). So there you go, my sad little truth!
I guess the lesson from the bush just intensified here in "civilization" and i realized the life i chose has it's cost - this side and that side of the border. Custa muito as they say in Portuguese! And so Lord, be gentle with me as i struggle along, i want to be learning from You it's just that some lessons are harder than others!! You are my ultimate friend!