Coffee along the way

Coffee along the way
Coffee along the way

May 30, 2012

Plain and simple

There comes a point when “I am nothing” or “I can do nothing” can go either way. 
What I mean is – i can use it as an excuse to feel very sorry for myself.  See myself as extremely pathetic missionary.  I can think I am totally useless.  I don’t have enough training, do not have enough time, I am not enough ……This leads inevidently to thoughts that God could never use me, actually will not even choose me to work for Him and so on - a very nice and tidy downward spiral.  Exactly where the enemy wants me!

Funnily enough, that is actually where Gods wants me too – but for a VERY different reason!  He wants me in that place where I say – I cannot do it!  I am too weak!!  But instead of titling to the “oh, poor me” I tilt to “when I am weak, You are strong” and “without Jesus I can do nothing, but with Him, ……WITH HIM I can do all things!!!

Jesus chose uneducated fishermen to be His disciples – plain and simple.  He could have had His pick of intellectuals – priests, Rabbi’s, teachers of the Law, whoever!  But He chose fishermen.  I always marvel at that verse in Acts where Peter and John were before the Sanhedrin and the leaders were amazed at the wisdom and boldness of the two men –then they remarked that these two were uneducated men, but had BEEN with Jesus!  What a testimony! 

Abide in Me, Jesus said.   “I am the Vine and you are the branches, if a man remains in me (abide) and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from Me, you can do nothing’!!  No amount of training, no amount of willful perseverance, no amount of self-sacrifice will bear any fruit if you are not close to Jesus, abiding in Him.  Then you are truly useless!

And so, here I am with all my vaults and weaknesses and glad of them.  Jesus take me as I am, let me abide in You, and You in me, so that even if it looks to the world that I will never be able to accomplish anything, I will bear fruit, and fruit that will last, and only because of You!
Bella, plain and simple.

May 20, 2012


The Bible says to count the cost….well, what if you didn’t take all into account?  And now, a few years down the line, new costs rise up?  Well, I guess that is where I am at! 
This morning I was thinking what it means to give everything up for God.  Giving up things like car, house, status, etc seems a breeze to the things that in the end Really matter!  Like not being there for family or giving up your own dreams and rights.  What if God calls you to give everything up and then calls you to do ……. nothing (of value)?  For example, Him not giving you anything important to DO.  You give up everything and then wonder if your life will mean anything on this earth.

I can really identify with Moses!  What a great man!  He SAW God!  Not that I can identify with his great ness – no, actually not at all – it is more the waiting part that strikes a chord in my heart.  I mean, he was 40 years old when he tried to do it all on his own and had to flee.  Then, for the next 40 years he, a prince, looked after sheep!  And then for the next 40 he looked after a very stubborn and unfaithful nation!  If I look at him, I do wonder if I am in the sheep-caring stage and how long this phase will last?  40 years?  Maybe some of us (i.e ME) need 40-80 years for God to accomplish His work in us?  Sure feels like that to me at the moment!

It might be a bit of mid-life thinking/evaluation here, but I realize that I would really like to have a meaningful life here on earth – it is the only chance I have!  (Actually it is not the right phrase – I want, wrongly, to have an Important life – you can lead a meaningful life and be a Nothing in the world’s eyes.) But, in all of this am I seeking to be Significant or to be Obedient?  Who is going to write a book about a mother of three boys who spent her days teaching them, cooking cleaning, washing sores and dishing out headache tablets to the village people?  I guess I would like to be more Significant than Obedient!  I would like to impact this world with a BANG!  Lead 3000 to Christ like Peter did!  See all the Y converted in a flash! Doing GREAT things for God! But then, who am I to tell God that I know better? 

And so, I guess, I pray for a heart that looks at my life through God’s eyes – things that look (extremely) insignificant down here will have Eternal value up there.  And for grace that is sufficient for me to keep on, keeping on.
Bella, servant-in-training