Coffee along the way

Coffee along the way
Coffee along the way

June 29, 2010

Tuesday thoughts......

"It's an interesting phenomena", says Mister Steyn in "the god's must be crazy" about his reaction when coming in close contact with a lady - his brain just stops functioning.....haha, very funny when talking about love!

It is, however not so funny, when faced with this phenomena when in contact with certain people in my life.  When the best that i do will never be good enough.  When i am with them my brain seizes up and i go into little girl mode - insecure, small and not worth the money spent.....

It took me 29 years to accept God's love for me!  That God could love me was a most impossible thought - I mean looking through "their' eyes, I was never good enough or deserving enough, or whatever.  What a glorious day when i read that God loved me when i was still a sinner!  My life changed forever!  To infinity and beyond!

And then i have a crash landing when faced with the old situations!  i scamper away, trying to avoid the hurt and the pain, never succeeding in any case, wondering how can anyone love me?  Do i live my life in the shadow of these hurts or do i live in the Shadow of the Almighty where i am safe and protected?  Do i open my ears to my dear husband's "I love you's" or do i still choose to believe the old echos?

My smallest son, aged 7, heard this saying and repeats it often "The past is history, the future a mystery, but today is a gift"  Very wise - i would do well to listen to him!  It's just so hard! 

And so, Lord, hide me under Your wings and when i do venture out, clothe me in Your armour!  Without it i am like a chicken without feathers in a raging snowstorm! :)  Thank you for the loving people You have placed around me from time to time, help me to believe in Your Truth.

June 24, 2010

Living by "faith'

Just when you think everything is going rather quite smoothly, you slip and fall flat on your face!!


And so here we are at the end of our furlough with still so many things to do and buy that we really do not know what to take and what to leave, what to buy and what not!!


But this is not the problem - i mean people are very adaptable!  The problem has to do with me of little faith.  Living by faith is really not aptly named, don't you think?  Something more like living every day with only God's support and supply and not taking into consideration my weak old little faith!  Or what about living by the Faithfulness of God?  That's much more appropriate, i would say!


God is always faithful, but i struggle with "will He do it for me?"  "Is this the right thing to do NOW?'  I don't know.......


This Scripture has really been a challenge to me -


"If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan? 


I think the easy life is looking very attractive right now - the "men" have worn me out, i guess.  And i want to run with horses - what a joke!  

But then i think of the man who asked Jesus to heal his son and then said - 'I do know You can do it, but help me in my unbelief"  Help me Lord to see You in all of this, this churning, doubting, wondering about many things - help me in my unbelief!

June 17, 2010

blogging......

I have been struggling with this for a long time!  Why do i blog?  If i am totally honest, i guess it would be to have a sort of voice out there and given my situation i lack (great understatement) fellowship, so it fulfills that role.  But deep down i wonder if it is not a sign that i really don't have enough meaningful conversations or - let's just say it as it is - not enough people who really understand me and my life.....sigh! and also friends come and go as do the seasons......

And so i blog because of this and then wonder why i don't get any comments - haha!!  One day i will write up our life story and it will take all my effort and then no-one will read it!  But i confidently blog on.  At least i think through the things that are churning in my mind and in trying to make sense of them by writing them down it has greatly helped me gain perspective (mostly).

I guess i have my answer and so to me from me.

cultural issues....

Being here in my own culture sure has been interesting! People here really do not like probing questions as to why they do something or do not! Espesially when faced with things that they are trying to ignore and we, as "outsiders" once again see very clearly! I really do not mean it arrogantly or even that i am judgmental, it is just that i am so used to ask questions and be inquisitive that i can't help myself! And so when i forget to be quiet and ask the very untinkable yet again and the person rushes off with a sudden onset of a coughing fit in search of something to drink, not to return, then i sigh and resove once again to smile and nod....smile and nod.

But yesterday i just had so much FUN! I went to a ladies confernece for the day and was a bit puzzled when the pastor's wife said just before we left that we need to mingle with the rest and not stick to our own group....and so i hoped to find enlightnement when we disembarked from very smll cars going very fast up and over hills, a half an hour later. We were met by about 200 friendly women that were not of our own culture.....ah i now see clearly why we had to be reminded to "mingle"! I, on the other hand was IN MY ELEMENT!

This is what i do everyday - trying to look as if i belong although i once again stand out like only a white person can with wild hair and a tall frame in the midst of brown haired, very short people!! BUT this time, i could use my own precious language and ask and wonder and be curious to my heart's desire!! And feel loved and accepted by these dear, wonderful ladies!

I went to the confernce expecting, i guess, to learn more about God (which i did of course!) but i went away with such a wonderful sense of knowing for sure that God's call on my life is working cross-cultural and that He know me best!
When i used to work as a physio a long time ago, i wasn't a believer and so even though i had a lot of compassion it was only half of the picture.

Last week i did an advanced medical training to equip me more for life in the bush. It was really an excellent time of getting up to date again and to learn new procedures in case of an emergency.

As we worked alongside the nurses and doctors the Friday night (in a government training hospital) i was really challenged by seeing so much "raw" sin. Previously i just felt for the patient - you know, wounds, diseases, heart problems, etc.........but this time i saw a world needing salvation, needing healing, needing God. What a privilege to touch a foot and pray to my Father for calmness and peace upon the patient, for healing, but above all for another chance to get to know the only true living God! How sad i was to see them in pain, people without any form of Hope. We live in a broken world, we cannot be silent any longer!! How can we keep the Hope we have all to ourselves??