It all boils down to this...

I wanted to put up some pictures so I got the drill out - full of optimism only to find out it is the wrong drill, I do not know how to and I better just ask for help or lose a hand/finger or nose. Inside I felt inadequate, hopeless and silently wondering how things will turn out...my team has been halved and this half is, well, only a half!

Later, I was making supper, the gas ran out, I realized I have never changed the gas myself and so...Last night I was not-so-silently losing it. My poor kids.

This morning I was sitting at my desk, silently freaking out....again. And I just looked at the new school calendar for 2019. I suddenly realized that in 5 week’s time the eldest will be back in America, the other two back in school plus away from home on camps....good freaking out material.

I opened my Bible app and read and listened to a short message on Prov 3:5-6. It says 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart

And lean not on your own understanding

In all your ways know Him

And He will make your paths straight.”

By now I was crying, silently sobbing really, thinking how on earth will I cope? If drilling (or actually Not Drilling) holes, a gas canister and a school calendar could do this what about all the other tough stuff still to come? How will I manage? 

I decided to put my tears on hold and took a shower...slowly the verse sank into my befuddled brain.

The answer softly coming into my troubled heart. The only answer really. Simple but profound. Trust. And not just a blind kind of trust, no. A trust in God. Trust God. Trust Him. With Everything. 

I was leaning on my toppling own understanding and it was taking me down. And so I trust in the Lord. Everything in life boils down to this - do we trust God? If I don’t, I lose it, freak out, bang stuff around. Feel without hope or light. Lost, helpless.

Trust restores the balance again - not leaning now but walking on a straight path again. Upright and safe - my hand firmly in God’s grasp. Trust brings my heart rate down and I breathe again. Trust is really all I can do.

Bella