Homesick.....

Last night we watched Invictus (so now you know where we come from!) In any case, this morning i just have this deep sad feeling inside of me, a heaviness, if you will.   I have saudades and it's bad! 

I miss a home, i miss a country that does not exsisit anymore.  And i don't mean the pre-apartheid era.  I mean the time where there was hope and a future.  Now it seems that all i hear is bad and sad.

I miss my own people - even the ones who don't look like me and speak any one of the 11 official langugaes!  I remember  a few years ago, meeting a lady once from Swaziland here and i busrt into tears when i heard her accent.  I guess it doen't help if your own mother also says...only coming home next year?!  Wow, that's soooo long still.

So there you have it!  How can i shake this feeling?  Ho do i not cry myself dry over someplace and some people that i miss terribly?  I do wish at times that from their side they would have more compassion for me in this, but hey! you can't blame it on someone else, can you?  And so, i will choose to put on the Garments of Praise for this spirit of heaviness, and the oil of Gladness!  And maybe i'll lsiten to some of my own type Fado and slowly get over it again.....

bella, feeling a little bit lost.