Songs

I must admit that April and May have been quite hard hitting months. End of March as Lockdown was our new normal And  compulsory it felt i was as locked up in my own thoughts as we were in our houses. Just as you think you have a handle on grief then it hits from another angle, maybe not as severe but nonetheless. 

I find great consolation in music. God has used songs many times to speak to me. Tonight i was attempting to play and sing (badly) “To all the Poets I have known” by Andrew Peterson. Its a song about people like CS lewis, Tolkien, The Psalmists, etc and how they give us hope. How they are there beside us. The past three or maybe 5 years i have read the Psalms over and over. So, yes, i love this song. One line stuck out tonight though and i quote “In every man you saw the boy, the hidden heart the dark could not destroy” and it got me thinking.

Here i am blue beyond hope and on a Sunday of all days. For no reason except it was April and my first birthday without my husband, in May it was mother’s day, my eldest turned 21 and got married far away and i could not attend because of world wide lockdown.... I could, obviously add more to my pitiful list, but i won’t bore you with that. I sat crying silently over the Bible - Jeremiah usually makes me cry in any case....How God’s heart hurt over His people’s unfaithfulness. But I digress...I was just so low. Anyway, as i sat there i could feel the dark creeping into my heart. 

The dark wants to destroy my hope. It wants to take away all or even the little light i have left in my heart. It will use everything to bring me down, because if i am down i am so consumed in my own pity party that i am rendered useless - by myself. And i think of Jesus. The Light which the darkness could not destroy. My heart is hidden in Him. To have that trusting heart of a child again - full of light and hope and promise. I know its still there somewhere. The hidden heart the darkness could not destroy.

And at the end of this day i look back and say Thank You. The tears dried up. I had coffee and rusks with my boys standing around the table, a surprise call that turned into a wonderful telephone visit from a friend which warmed my heart and gave me hope again, my guitar and songs to end the day. 

Bella, 🎶my “weapon is a melody“ (I raise a Hallelujah)