Blessed? Or not?

Lately i have been thinking a lot about using the word Blessed. It is so easy to say this when everything worked out, you got the job, the car started, you found something, or _____.
But what if nothing goes right, works out or have a happy ending? Am i then Not Blessed?

As life unfolds at the moment we are then certainly Not Blessed, and yet, yet there are still blessings. Is Being Blessed looking on the bright side?
Or is it more like a little ship in the ocean. Wave upon wave or open calm blue - Blessing is floating and making headway. Come storm, come gale the fact that Blessing has not sunk is just that - a Blessing.

Can i say in the midst of the storm that i am blessed? Am i blessed if i do not sleep at all any more and call it blessed because now i can practice my patience under extreme situations? Am i blessed because my faith, which by the way is more precious than gold, can be tested over and over and be purified? Am i still blessed when wicked people plot against us (and seemingly get away with it) as in the house transfer ussue? Do we talk like this? Or do we just call ourselves Blessed when things are Rosy? And stay silent when it is dark?

But then again, saying I am so Blessed by this trial might sound a bit ....weird... maybe in coming years, looking back in nostalgia and part-time memory loss i might want to say that I was Blessed, but right now? No. Way. I do not feel blessed at all. I feel abused and battered and at the end of my rope. Not even holding on anymore.

And then right there i see my Blessing. I am unable to hold on, yet i do not fall. God is holding me. I am Blessed, not by things going right but by the fact that i belong to the Creator God. He is with me on this terrible journey. I am Blessed because He dries my tears and helps me get out of bed every single day (and multiple times during the night). He is the One who holds me together and that makes me Blessed beyond measure.

Bella