Tuesday thoughts......

"It's an interesting phenomena", says Mister Steyn in "the god's must be crazy" about his reaction when coming in close contact with a lady - his brain just stops functioning.....haha, very funny when talking about love!

It is, however not so funny, when faced with this phenomena when in contact with certain people in my life.  When the best that i do will never be good enough.  When i am with them my brain seizes up and i go into little girl mode - insecure, small and not worth the money spent.....

It took me 29 years to accept God's love for me!  That God could love me was a most impossible thought - I mean looking through "their' eyes, I was never good enough or deserving enough, or whatever.  What a glorious day when i read that God loved me when i was still a sinner!  My life changed forever!  To infinity and beyond!

And then i have a crash landing when faced with the old situations!  i scamper away, trying to avoid the hurt and the pain, never succeeding in any case, wondering how can anyone love me?  Do i live my life in the shadow of these hurts or do i live in the Shadow of the Almighty where i am safe and protected?  Do i open my ears to my dear husband's "I love you's" or do i still choose to believe the old echos?

My smallest son, aged 7, heard this saying and repeats it often "The past is history, the future a mystery, but today is a gift"  Very wise - i would do well to listen to him!  It's just so hard! 

And so, Lord, hide me under Your wings and when i do venture out, clothe me in Your armour!  Without it i am like a chicken without feathers in a raging snowstorm! :)  Thank you for the loving people You have placed around me from time to time, help me to believe in Your Truth.