Waiting for...

Today i said a final earthly goodbye. I kept putting it off for nearly two years. Covid is to blame of course, but you can only use that excuse so many times. In the end i had to get closure and say goodbye. To move forward, you have to do more than just start the car - you have to let the hand break down and step on the accelerator. Even if at first you go super slow, but forward you must go. And so as i stood there next to the wild ocean I wondered how i can make my life still count. When will I really live again? Do i have (unwritten) conditions in my head that hinders me from really living? 

 I love the movie Second Hand lions. I like the end where they say “They really lived!” I would like my kids to say the same about me....and by the way, when my time comes, mix my ashes with glitter and throw me in a rainbow cloud into the waves😋 

But back to living...what hinders me from truly Living my best life? Waiting for a partner? Friends? Money? Time? Fear? A little bit of everything i guess, but then i have come a long way already. I enjoy being by myself. It sure has perks - no need to consult anyone else when i want to do or not do something on the spur of the moment. I can go to bed when i want or not go at all. I can eat tuna every single day. I enjoy the freedom of one. I admit i don’t have “holidaying for one” under my belt yet and that really sucks, but really for the most part i am not doing too bad. But still..am i living my best life? 

I am tired of waiting for the perfect time, place or maybe person. I want to live my delightfully weird life right now and get on with it. A few covid related things happened and because of that I will have to take some risks in a month’s time - actually i started on this risky journey a few months ago already following the Lord’s prompts...this involves making some serious life changes and  not because i am selfish but because the rest of my little clan is also ready. Ready for mom to move on. I have outgrown my tiny life at last. No more dreaming, onto the Planning and then the Doing stages. Plus, i don’t have much choice, i am being kicked out of the nest!

I am excited and terrified at the same time. And God knows this...and gave me this to read “So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

As i said my last goodbye, i look up and see a horizon and i wonder how this new journey will look like, but it doesn’t matter because i know i am safe and plus, i am ready, no more wasting time.

Bella