Sadness >>>>> Hope

 

Its funny how you can get comfortable in a certain place. For me it has been the place of perpeptual sadness. Sure, i smile and laugh and look generally happy, but deep down inside i know nothing will last. Sadness has very comforting arms. It has become my safe place. A place where i am ready for life and all its crappiness. If i am in Happy’s chair i am suspicious - when will things go wrong? I know its only a matter of time. And so i go back to Sadness because at least there i know how to face life. I know how to cry out to God for help - even if He doesn’t help me how i expect Him to. My Old Testament pages are brown and curled as i read my favorites - Jeremiah, Isaiah, Lamentations and Psalms. Yes, i know how to live with Sadness.  

Every now and again i venture out from my safe zone. Gingerly stepping out and trying my hardest to embrace Happy or Good or Lovely. But then suddenly i get spooked and run back to Sadness. I even have words that go with this safe zone - Told you so! or Well, what did you expect? or Really, you thought That? Come back to Sadness, it suits you better.

Yes, that’s me and worst part of it was that I didn’t realize it at all. I was just operating on Default. I didn’t even have to think about it. I ventured a bit further this time and was quite out of breath when i came to my senses as i ran back with beating heart. Sadness quietly wrapped her familiar arms around me. Here i knew how to cope. It was after all, my safe place. I mean, just look at my playlist. How did i not see that i had moved in with Sadness? And I didn’t just own a bit of shelf space - i owned the House!

I was desperately in need of a new housemate and living space. But how? It’s so easy where i am. So easy to let Sadness absorb my pain, to go back to my familiar patterns. It’s so easy to make sense of a world of brokenness with Sadness as my constant companion. Sadness understands. Happy, Lovely or Good are like clouds compared to the earth of Sadness. One strong sun ray or a little old sea wind and they quickly disappear. Sadness is solid. I easily default to Sadness.

By some miracle this morning, a very little voice was saying - Objection! Stop it. Pack your bags. The voice grew louder and louder.....Apparently I didn’t have a choice. I packed those bags.....and as i packed this verse came to mind: “In this world you will have trouble, but take heart - I have overcome this world”

I was moving to a new house. This house has a bit of everything. It has Sadness, it has Goodness, it has Joy. But most of all there is Hope. My new home says, yes, there is heartache, but there is so much more to this life. Hope again, my dear. Search for Goodness and Joy. Let Hope bring comfort, let Hope heal, have Hope help you dream again. Try out Hope’s comfort. 

I think this can work. And in this new place the words are different too: Try again. Keep going. You are doing great. Don’t give up. You’ve got this. It’s ok. Take heart. Above all - Take heart.

“Say I won’t” is a powerful song by Mercy me. At first as a physio it touched my heart because  it was written for a man in rehab, (Say I won’t walk) but this morning as it played in my car i said it out loud to myself. I am defiantly daring myself....Say you won’t _____ !

Bella, liking my new abode