Stepping through the doors

With one fell swoop of a sentence we lost everything. Lost life as we knew it. Who knew it would be harder leaving the mission field than giving up everything worldly to go to the ends of the earth?

As soon as the doctor said “ALS” everything changed. We lost our vision (in more than one way!), we lost our mission, or purpose if you like. We lost our house, friends, our way of life. Our work, our homeschool, our ministry. Everything changed. We went from purposeful to ....nothing.

Or so it seemed. 

Has our purpose changed? Did we lose our vision and mission? Are we not still in God’s service? Mother Teresa once said  “Who are we to tell God what kind of work we want to do for Him?”

Something happened recently that brought back all the pain of leaving once again. And it came in the form of doors. Grieving about doors. Removed unwillingly. It was a symbol of my life. Or so i thought.

We try so hard to live by the Spirit but measure ourselves still in worldly terms. Who are we know? Apparently i am a housewife, as someone introduced me the other day. And who and what is A? And it bothers us because we want to do and be and live more for God. And the small life we live now seems so insignificant - to me.

And as i contemplate closed doors i see, not an open window as the cliché goes, but rather a beautiful field. Flowers, trees, streams! Birds, colour and beauty. Our “ministry” has not been diminished - it has been set free in surprising new ways.

And just as life on the mission field rarely was moonshine and roses, so it is now. Hard. Test after test. Tears. Hard pressed yes, but not crushed. And at times, as CS Lewis wrote we are Surprised by Joy. 

It has taken me a while to see our new path through God’s Eyes. And even if i do not see it clearly yet, i have one comfort: we are in His will. In this hard place, in His will. And that brings healing and so i open those blasted doors and step out into freedom!  A freedom that does not limit ministry in a small way but shows me it is a way of life and “... the only way that any of us can live at our best is in a life of radical faith in God” (Run with horses, Eugene Peterson.)

And so ...Taking God’s Hand in trust we walk into the Beautiful field.