A lesson from Job

This morning i turned to Job. Yes, that is how desperate i am to make sense of my life. Not that i have anything to really compare myself to with Job, but still...

We are about to lose one little dog - Job lost 7000 sheep, 3000 camels, 500 oxen and 500 donkeys plus a large number of servants. He lost them all save 4 servants who survived the catastrophies. And my one puppy pales in comparison but very real and very painful, nonetheless.

Motor neuron is slowly stealing away my dearest. Job lost all 10 his children.

Some days i truly despair. I go from asking what we did wrong and searching my heart for sins, to why, to how can God allow this, to why is God doing this. But then i turn the pages of this Ancient Word of God that still speaks today and I read...

Satan accused Job of following God because of all he, Job, got out of it. So he got permission to take it all away. And still Job feared God.

Then Job was accused that his possessions being taken away was one thing, but his own body might just be a total new ballgame! And so, satan gets permission to afflict Job's body but not take his life...and Job?
Job, scrathes himself with a potshard and it says "His wife said to him, "Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!" He replied, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" In all this, Job did not sin in what he said."

He maintained his integrity of following God, no matter what.
In all of this he did not sin against God.

How do i handle life and all the pain and loss? Do i maintain integrity? Or do i corrupt my faith and that of others? What do I say to God in the deep of night? What do i think of God while my faith, which by the way, is more precious to God than anything else, is being severly tested?  Yes, i know i can bare my soul to Him, and tell God everything. Shout and cry, but there is a fine line that i cross at times. Demanding answers, standing on non-existing rights.

And so I take a lesson from Job for this day - fear God, maintain integrity, do not sin agaist the Almighty just because I don't understand now. Hard teaching but true.

Bella