my suffering was good for me.....

With tear stained, red-rimmed eys, i read in Ps 119 this verse....."My suffering was good for me, because it taught me to pay attention to Your decrees."

My suffering was good for me. Wow. Being honest, i am not there...yet.

I go to bed crying, I wake up crying and in between i have to fight back tears all day long.

Nothing is as i pictured it. My whole life is falling, falling apart, falling away from me. With every fresh wave i think....is this the last straw? Can i take another breath before i go under again...is there time to breathe? No time to take a life sustaining breath before the wave - huge and foaming - crashes over my already soaked and drowning head. My suffering was good for me.....

The only word that encourages me in the smallest possible way is the word "was". The Psalmist clearly looks back and sees that all was good. Even his suffering.

Romans 8:28 echos this same idea. That in ALL things - the good, the bad and the ugly - God works it all out for our GOOD.

And i hold on to that as the waves come crashing in. And keep on Trusting And Hoping in my unshakable God and that One day i will look back and be able to say, "my suffering was good for me".

Bella