Me, the big doubter...

Yesterday one of our workers became ill very suddenly. He had a bad case of malaria. I gave him some medicine and then we prayed for him. We have not prayed for any sick people up front yet, but things are changing. Next week is the last lesson of the Gospel and now he understands so much more about God, about putting all our trust in Him. We have spoken about Jesus' power to heal and we were asking Him now to heal. All very exciting.

He was so sick he barely made it home. Silently i continued to pray for him. I begged God to spare his life so that he could hear the last bit of the story. That Jesus died for all his sins, that he does not have to do anything! So why was i so surprised when our worker came back a bit later and told us he was totally fine? He said Jesus healed him!! At first i rejoiced with him! I have seen God save many peoples lives out here with me only giving tea or changing the bandages every two days, or once not even having another chance to change the bandages on severe burns and then to see total healing without even a scar! And those being burn wounds on a hand! Amazing for sure! God is powerful and Can heal! But then doubt set in...why did i have this tight knot in my stomach? Why did I want to tell him just keep drinking the malaria medicine, just in case? (I didn't, but everything medical in me was shouting to do so!) me, the Big Doubter. Why Was i in such a state?

The Difference was of course, that all those other times i only asked God in secret. Now it was all in the open. What if God didn't come through? What if by some small miracle the medicine made a huge difference but later tonight he would be back to square one? God's honour was, according the me, on the line here! It felt like i had to remind Him His name was on stake here! I was so afraid that this man's faith would be snuffed out without even been given a chance.....i was worrying that God's reputation was on the line and He wasn't aware of it. As if little old doubter-in-medical-miracles would know better than the Creator of the universe and every person who ever lived! Jip, that was me.

I looked frantically to my dear husband, who was not worried even a centimeter! He just calmly said that that is God's business and he believes God knows what He is doing. Oh, how i sometimes wish i had his personality! I guess i would have been Thomas if i had been one of the 12!

I had to learn to let God be God. I know this sounds quite terrible to see it so black on white but don't we all somewhere along the line think we know better than God? And all our worry is only because we don't trust completely. So, i had to let go and keep myself from running after him shouting at the top of my lungs to just in case keep drinking the medicine...wow, now that would have ruined it all for sure! What was i thinking?

But God in His mercy kept me from ruining it all and i slowly closed the door and Gladly placed him back in The Father's loving Hands. More than Capable Hands.

Bella, relieved that i don't have to run this show!