Pretty weeds

 This morning i was weeding. I walked past my little garden yesterday and thought i looked quite nice.  All green and lovely with a few lost flowers that no-one could kill in our 4 months absence ...BUT on closer inspection i saw that the "all green and lovely" was not true - mostly the green were from weeds.  Clovers to be precise!  Clovers all over the place, choking the life out of the struggling little mints and Impatience.  Clovers circling the lavender trying to softly kill it too?  In any case, i am weeding now, getting rid of these pesky intruders.  But it is hard to get rid of them - if you don't pull them out roots and all, tomorrow afternoon there will be new and strong looking clovers dancing in the little breeze, taunting you to think them pretty!

And so it has been this week in my own life.  I needed to do some serious weeding or rather the Lord did some serious weeding!  I am the little garden and i am full of the wrong stuff!

Just like my garden who, on first glance, looked fine but was far from it, so it was with me.  I realised i was harbouring a lot of anger and bitterness in my heart.  I wanted a kind of revenge, i wanted to see justice done and done immediately!  I thought if i kept it all in my heart i would force justice and consequences on the party that have injured me multiple times, but what i got was a loving Father gently showing me that what was in my heart was nothing righteous as i made it out to be.  You  know the kind - righteous anger - and it wasn't that at all.  It was all of the bad kind.  Ugly and sinful.  Slowly killing me, choking the life out of me.

But just as weeding needs to be done roots and all otherwise you waste your time, so it had to be done with me - roots and all.  I asked myself where the roots lay in this instance and a lot of old history came flooding back at me - or was it growing back at an exponential rate?  In any case, the root of it all?  What did i believe about God that was untrue?  How can i get rid of this anger, because believe me, a little prayer said in the order of "I forgive _" was Not going to do the trick!  I have seen this many times with my own kids - saying a rhyme does not touch the heart.  I needed to forgive from my heat and for me to do so i had to face the deeper stuff.  The kind of stuff that i try to cover up, put a lid on, basically ignore most of the time, because it takes to much effort to haul it all up and sort it out!  And, was i not the one wronged?  Why should i have to go through all of this?

Well, obviously i needed work on!  I was stamping my (un)righteous right foot and nothing was happening.  Does this remind you of a very angry little 4 year old when she doesn't get her way?  Well, this was me and i am sorry to say it - although on second thoughts, not sorry to say it because the Lord brought redemption through it all and deliverance! Deliverance was so needed as i was a prisoner with choking sin around my neck! So, i am happy to say that is where i was.  And only through God's intervention was this done and not my own!

Yes, i had to come to the point where i had to throw it all out there and see it for what it was - my sin.  I needed to confess the thoughts i had about this whole thing - and believe me, it wasn't pretty!  After exposing it and having seen it for what it really was and asking God to please, please forgive ME, i could say...I forgive (from the bottom of my heart) and i could let it go and i was FREE!  Glorious!

I had to hand over justice to the Lord and i had to trust Him that He will work this also out for my good.  It did not feel good at the time nor could i see how this hurt could be worked for my good, but for now all i need to do is trust in him for the end results!  And as Sunni sad in the movie Best Exotic Marigold hotel "Everything will be alright in the end so if it is not alright it is not the end."  :)

And the last part is that i need to guard my heart for it is the wellspring of life!

Bella, hopefully a prettier flower garden every day as i grow in my love for the Lord!