Even if......

The last few posts were far from positive, but I’m not aiming for making everything look glamorous and fine.   I am aiming for what is real.  I have this thing about missionaries making everything seem so perfect – nothing ever a struggle (although we try to get there, we are not there yet!) – the macho missionary type.  In any case, this is beside the point.  My posts were very…..well, low.  I kept thinking about what I wrote, about all the jumble of stuff going on in my head and I kept on asking the Lord what I should be learning here…..contentment?  No, it didn’t seem that was it – although I definitely need work in that department too.  What was I missing?

The answer came quite unexpectedly while we were driving along a particular beautiful stretch of green mountains, indigenous forests and newly sprouted grassy plains. Also at a stretch where I was not really appreciating life… the answer came with a question…..”Will you still praise Me?”

Habakkuk 3.  Will I still praise God, rejoice in Him when I am feeling very isolated and lonely, cut off from friends and family for years at a time?  Will I still praise Him when I know that i will always be the outsider – even when going back to my own culture?  Will I still praise God when things break or when I am everything to everyone, when I am feeling totally overwhelmed on a daily basis?  Will I still praise God?  Will I praise Him in the dark times, the times that I think I’ll never make it out here? 

Daniel’s 3 friends said just before being thrown in to a fiery furnace “Our God can save us from your hand o king, but even if He doesn’t, we will still not bow before you.”  What faith!  Even if!!  Will you praise Me, even if….?

I want to!!  Because You make my feet like that of a mountain goat – steadfast in dangerous areas!  You are the One who keeps me safe and makes me strong, who gives me courage to go on.  I will Praise You.

Bella, so much to learn still.