Panic Attack.....

“We believe You are all to us” sings Chris Tomlin and I think – do we really believe that?  What do I do when a crisis arises?  I can tell you, because I just had one this morning……

Our kids had been sick – a really bad ‘flu that quickly went to bronchitis.  Getting up at night, not sleeping well for more than a week and then getting sick myself, has not helped my emotions a bit!  And so after deliberating this way and that, I finally put them all on anti-biotics and could see the improvement the next day!  Well, at least I made the right decision there…. or did i?

This morning I was having my quiet time when one of the boys came in and showed me a rash on his fingers…..strange, I thought.  He had gone outside for a minute and played a bit with the dogs, so I thought it was probably that.  I washed his hands and it looked better.  But while I was helping him, everything inside me was screaming in panic!  Was it the medicines?  Should I give him more of it?  What do I do if he worsens?

The next minute, the rash is on his feet, elbows, nose……not bad, just little red pinpricks……and I panic more.  I pray, I phone a friend who is a doctor.  He suggested I go on with the meds, as bronchitis was worse than little pinpricks……

I just couldn’t bring myself to give him the anti-biotics, but felt it was the right thing to do, so my poor husband had to actually give it to him.  I couldn’t even watch!  Jesus!  We are calling out to You!  On the outside I was calmly wiping down the table, scooping up the termite mud, taking out something to make for lunch, while inside hysteria was growing wild….and then I heard this song - “We believe You are all to us” and the next one – You are faithful.  Yes, He is.

Just yesterday I was re-reading a book my Max Lucado – Fearless – Yes, I know, it’s dangerous to read books like that, because a test is sure to follow!!  :)  And so, I think I failed my test this morning!  In any case, somewhere in the beginning chapters it says that “Hysteria is not from God.  For God has not given us a spirit of fear.” (p13)  And also “Fear corrodes our confidence in God’s goodness.” 

How do I live in balance?  For me being in the middle was never an option!  If I’m up I’m up, if I’m down, I’m down!  I have opinions and do not sit on any fence!  If I panic, I totally panic, if I distance myself from a problem, person or crisis, then I’m distanced!  How do I find a balance?  Trusting God, following common sense (given, by the way, by God) doing what I know is right and not folding because of fear. 

Somedays. I’m glad I live in this forsaken place.  This is where I learn to trust 1000% on God – and for everything!  From bread on my table to healing the sick!  What a school!  But on other days, I am just so tired, it is as if there is no calm place for me.  But in saying all of this, The Lord is showing me He is the calm place.  Give the medicine and Trust Me.   Get out of bed and Trust Me.  Breath and Trust Me.  Live your life for Me and Trust Me.  I am Faithful, Awesome in power, Stronger than any other.

I guess, I would like to see more of God’s miracles as I face many trials and crisis, but most happen in me.  I am not here firstly for the people who do not know Him, this is the best place for me to be in.  Hard, but good.  And only in acceptance of this can i come to a place a perfect Peace.

bella, following Yeshua

   

 I lift my hands to believe again

You are my refuge, you are my strength

As I pour out my heart

These things, I remember, You are faithful God, forever

Let faith arise. Open my eyes, Let faith arise!         (Chris Tomlin, Let faith arise)