Just enough Grace

A perfect sea urchin with its unusual green caught my eye. It was high up on the sand just above a  strip of beach with wild waves and sharp rocks. As i stooped to pick it up, it struck me that this little fragile shell made it intact over very turbulent water and rocks. Broken bits of other more sturdy shells littered the beach, but this one, who was much more brittle, was whole. How was it possible? I carefully picked it up and held it lightly in my hand - afraid that i would be the one in the end who would break it.

Life has thrown me towards the beach many times. Waves of all forms have crushed me up against unyielding rocks, whose intent was to make me into sand. To literally grind me into sand. But somehow i survived intact. How? Most days i feel i just want to give in and just be grinded. Get it over with. And my short answer is that God gave me just enough Grace to make it through another day. And another day. Admittingly, some days it feels like Grace Crumbs, but it is still His Grace.

In my humble opinion a trauma can either let you turn away from God - i might experience God as not there, not caring, cruel even - and it can make me not want to trust or believe anymore - or it can bring me closer to Him. The first is not really an option. Shun God just because life got hard? How many before me have not had much harder and still clung to God? And how will it be to be seperated from God for all eternity? Even Jesus said we will have trouble in this world. He had, so why do i expect to have a smooth wrinkle free life? I love the Psalms. They are so real. The ones where Everything is going wrong have been especially helpful in these wave bashing times. These type of Psalms have a lot of groaning, crying and even questioning of God going on in them, but then, kind of in mid cry the poet turns back to God and says something like...But i love you Lord, and i will keep praising You, for You are God.

So, i choose to run to God - and in running to Him, i am not saying that i can’t feel all broken and confused. Actually i still might feel a whole bunch of negative emotions, but i can tell Him. I soak up His Word. I pour out my broken heart. And God hears. And He listens and comforts. And gives Grace. Enough for each day. And slowly He brings healing. A gentle wave picks me up out of harms way and i land intact on a sunny beach. Whole. Not grinded into sand. I look at myself and say - God’s Grace was indeed sufficient.

Bella