Holding on when the Even Ifs are the norm....
For the longest time i have been living and breathing Romans 8:28 - that all things will work out for our good. And it will, but really, although this will always be true i think i have entered a new phase....the Even Ifs...
When you read Hebrews 11, aptly called the Hall of faith, it starts out very encouraging with many great faithful saints. Name by name by name we read of how these people held on to God despite desperate trials of faith - and God came through for them. As you near the end of the chapter the names fall away, from a humanly perspective it may look as if God does not come through. But still they held unto Him, their faith held.
The words of Daniel's 3 friends just before they were thrown into the fiery furnace has encouraged me a lot lately.
16 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and He will deliver us from your Majesty’s hand. 18 But even if He does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”
So here i am praying fervently that swallowing would not become a problem, but it does. I believe He is able to do anything but even if He does not, i will still worship Him and Him alone. So a feeding tube is our next step...
I have this weird back ache and if i ever needed a strong back it is now, believe me, but the pain does not subside - and even if it does not i hold on to God to help me through it all. So i lift and move and ask for help where i can - knowing that right their in my own little fiery furnace the Son of Man is with me.
Our house deed is still not in our name - another Even If. I hold on. I keep believing.
But this belief is not the thing that makes me keep on. It is not some magic recipe to get the outcome i want. Nor is it my stubbornness that makes me stick it out. It is a trust in a faithful, loving God that brings me though the darkest storms. Trusting that Even If it looks like He is not there i can KNOW He is, because He never lies. And He said that He will never leave us or forsake us - and in my own words - Even If it looks like it.
We see only a very small part of our lives. God sees the whole. As things get tough and weakness progresses and my heart breaks each new day seeing more than i wish how this disease eats up my dearest husband i look to those nameless ones at the end of Hebrews 11. And they encourage me. They kept their faith in a God who is faithful, Even If it looks like quite the opposite.
"There were others who were tortured, refusing to be released so that they might gain an even better resurrection. 36 Some faced jeers and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. 37 They were put to death by stoning; they were sawed in two; they were killed by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated— 38 the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, living in caves and in holes in the ground.
39 These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, 40 since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect."
And so i trust, i hope and i hold on to my Father no matter what.
Bella
Powerful, Bella. I remember when God used that same passage to edit my misunderstandings taught by the faith-in-faith, "Victorious Christian" sector of my Church family. It's a difficult paradox: More-than-conquerors with authority and dunamis power, yet sometimes Job situations, martyrs, Christians sharing in the fellowship of sufferings.... It definitely is not – and never has been -- all health, wealth and prosperity as some purport.
ReplyDeleteYour deep, honest writings share Scripture and life testimonies which shall help edit the misconceptions of some within the Church. Like a diamond with so many facets, the Christian life is not cut and dry easy-peasy all-about-us and our well-being. There's a mystery to be revealed yet more. May our God be glorified through it all, as He is worthy of all praise, glory and honor, no matter what is or isn’t happening on this earth around each of us personally.
I, like you, cannot deny the reality that all of creation speaks of the glory of God; that there absolutely is Someone who designed the beauty and complexities of nature. So, we mere humans must humbly bow down, Even If we don’t understand, when nothing makes sense at whatever moment of our lives.
It is amazing to read, cry, and pray over your blogs. They are touching our hearts - not with pity, but with a mixture of inspirational contemplation and convicting postulation. Thanks for baring your soul, Bella. Thanks for helping us to understand more and be able to walk with you through this. Thanks for being a prime example of a yielded spirit, clearing a path which will be walked more cleanly by others subsequently (though we hope to never experience bad things). God surely is preparing His people to accept and understand more than has been presented in contemporary Christianity.
God continue to strengthen you and keep you. May the stress and strain emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually ease up; that your heart and mind readily stay upon Him and His peace be with you. Love & more prayers.