For even if....

“For even if the fig tree doesn’t blossom, and no fruit is on the vines, even if the olive tree fails to produce, and the fields yield no food at all, even if the sheep vanish from the sheep pen, and there are no cows in the stalls; still, I will rejoice in ADONAI, I will take joy in the God of my salvation. ELOHIM Adonai is my strength! He makes me swift and sure-footed as a deer and enables me to stride over my high places. For the leader. With my stringed instruments.”
‭‭Habakuk ‭3:17-19‬

Well, it is a good thing i don't have a fig tree or a vine or an olive tree. I don't have fields or sheep or cows for that matter....so it seems i will be ok....and anyway i have a million other things going wrong at the moment ... so how will Habakuk's words look to me then...right now? What is there that is making me look at fig trees or lack of cows and be mad at God or people ...can i say "even if motor neuron disease happens or the home loan is rejected or the reponibilities of life now weighs me down....even if ________ will i still be able to rejoice in God?
Am i rejoicing in God right now? Right now in this terrifying storm i call My Life?

The short answer is ... No. Sadly i am not. Instead I am fretting and fearing, worrying and tossing and turning....??will the disability claim come through or not...how much will "they" decide to pay us? will all our supporting churches one by one slink away and leave us to fend for ourseleves? Worry, worry, worry. Will this or will that, what if this or what if that. And in all of this i hear God say, "Do not fear, I am with you, I will help you."

I sigh and relax. And i rejoice in God. I take joy in the God of my salvation. He makes my feet swift and sure-footed and I stride over high places. I like that, Striding over high places as aposed to clinging on for dear life in thise terrifying high places! It is a great way of putting it and it brings a deep comfort to me because let's face it - the high and difficult places will be before us sooner or later, better to stride with God rejoicing than trying in my own strength to hold on and become stuck in a hard place.

My song might be short and not very loud, my voice might crack but i will rejoice in God my Saviour!

Bella, slowly letting go, learning to rejoice in spite of.