trying to be a Joseph when i am more of a Jonah?

This morning my husband and I were speaking about a few difficult things and he said that we must remember how Joseph handled his difficulties in life – he was sold as a slave, jailed for many years and suffered greatly but always did his best and never doubted God.  Mr. Positive, I guess.  And then it hit me – this is where we differ so much, my husband and I …we may be called to live a Joseph life but my personality is definitely more of a Jonah…sigh.

Just say it right out – No.  Try to run away from God!!  (How stupid is THAT?) and yet I do it, over and over.  Say No, or Why a million times? Me.  Or run and hide.  Me.  Never accepting things easily, always questioning, always either up or down. Me.  No middle ground for me and not a Joseph, for sure.

Yet, mostly I am in his shoes or was it sandals?  He had one life goal which he didn’t really comprehend until the end, he didn’t even know how it would all pan out since he was first a slave and then a forgotten prisoner – but he did all he did without complaining or arguing with God.  I too struggle with my goal in life, I too am never quite sure how things will pan out here and very often feel very forgotten, but I unfortunately complain a lot and argue a lot too!  More of a Jonah!!

In some ways I really like Jonah’s guts.  He actually sailed in the opposite direction of where God asked him to go.  Just think how much courage that would take!  And then, he was willing to die to save the others because he realized he put their lives in danger by his stupid actions.  I think he must have been surprised when God sent the fish to swallow him.  Something like “I am ready to go to heaven now and I did not see that coming!” and then with a sense of humour God had the fish spit him out where He wanted Him in the first place!  After Jonah repented, that is!

So I guess what I am seeing here is that I can save myself a lot of pain if I just trusted God and not argue or complain in difficult times, because God will not stop bothering me (in a loving way!) – He loves me and He wants me to grow closer to Him.

Jonah must have had a good relationship with God in my eyes that he could be so free about the things he did and said.  Did he know God would save him in the sea?  Did he rely on the fact that God was watching his every move?  Kind of like a toddler throwing a tantrum and then stops to see if anyone is actually watching?

I don’t know for sure but I what I do know, is that God knows me Very Well!

O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.  You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.  Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.  You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.  Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?  If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.  If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,  even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.  If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"  even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.  For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

I really would like to be more like Joseph – accepting, living quietly out my days, trusting God that it would all work out, but I guess I need to be who God made me and leave room for that too.  Yes, I need to grow in these areas but I can also rest in the fact that God made me, me and that I am ok in His eyes.  For me, today I think I realized that all kinds of characters were put in the Bible for a reason.  God loved them all.   

Some I admire and try and imitate and others I see myself in (the bad parts of me).  God didn’t make everyone a Joseph or a David, He also made a Jonah and a Peter and a trillion others!  I say this very respectively and not in an anything-goes attitude - God allows me to relate to Him in my way.  (Relate are in Relationship and not how to be saved!!  There is only one way and that is God’s way!!)  Sure, I can improve in many areas but the core of who I am is not from a pre-decided-how to –relate-to-God-mold,  I can come to Him and boldly approach His throne of Grace, because that is what it is –God’s Grace. 

  O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.

Bella, known by God.