Life...

Sometimes you look at life as if you are standing on the outside of this beautiful bubble - watching people through a thin wall but being the outsider and wondering why you are not on the inside. If, however you stop and think a bit, you realize that this is really not what you want of your life in any case and that you made certain choices for a reason. Even if it looks like the Fun Side, it is not, and it won't do for you. There is more to this life and you know it. 

When we decided to give our lives totally over to God, we did not quite realise where this journey would lead us or where we would end up living!  Stepping stones took us from our city life to a Bible college outside of a small town, to a farm, to a tiny village in the UK, to a tiny village in Portugal, to a big, noisy, dirty African city to where we are now - a village that appears only as a blip on a map!

As far as social goes, it didn't go much!!  :)  Small places in foreign tongues, language learning and bringing up 3 boys plus homeschooling them made not the best of circumstances to socialise in! Small talk has never been one of my strengths and how much worse it is in a different language!!

However, these were the choices we made.  We chose to live as a family here in the village.  We could have made different choices - my husband could drive up and down to villages or we could work in a busy city.  But we know without a doubt that God called us here and here we are, albeit sans company!

Most days all is well and i go about my life without so much as a thought that it is very isolated and lonely out here - esp in regards to fellow believers, but at times it does get a bit too much!  The enemy knows our weak spots and hammers at them!  Then it is good to "know the devil's schemes"!

One of these "schemes" is that you feel so left out.  Obviously there are social things going on around us - that is what communities do!  Even in town (75km away) there are different groups and different communities, but somehow even those who you think would understand, does not.  When in town you try to visit or see some friends, but it is always a bit of a hurry there or people just don't have the time or don't make the time.  I think that is part of the standing outside the bubble thing - you don't feel part of any group anymore - you are just the "member at large".  No-one misses you or thinks especially about you - or so the devil wants you to think!!  He makes you feel left out, not important and not part of a whole. 

In the village we try and attend most socials, but again, we are the outsiders and will always be!  Although they are very happy when we attend their funerals, initiations and other feasts, we will never be totally one with them!!  :)  We look different, we act different and we talk different even if we try our hardest to act black and talk like a Y!!  ha-ha!! 
The enemy creates this illusion that you are to feel very sorry for yourself, blame someone for this state and even rebel against God!  (been there!)

Moving my eyes from these schemes i see something very different, though!  I see a God who cares and knows how i feel.  I see the way He made me and put me together!  I am no social butterfly and never was.  I need only a few good friends, then i am happy.   I like many things that are more one on one than group activities in any case and so on.... And so i know that through His grace i will survive out here in the Desert of Unsocial.  I need to know the devil's schemes and how he wants to drag me down.  I need to put on the belt of truth and remember who God is and who i am.  And in any case being a follower of Him it is not about me or being fulfilled but of denial of self and living for His glory and not the next social event or lack thereof. 

Bella, looking up.