Dry crumbs or a feast?

I once read this story of a man who wanted to go to America…..so he saved up all he had and bought a ticket.  He took with him some bread and water which after a few days became quite stale.  Not realizing that his ticket included 3 meals a day, the man nearly starved to death before he was rescued and taken to the dining room – a room filled with so much food – enough for a legion!

Well, I am a bit worse than that man.  I made it to the dining room but decided that I am only worthy to eat the crumbs off the floor.  No good food was intended for me!  And thus, I was getting quite thin and malnourished with all the food readily available!

Let me explain a bit…

After the malaria I just kept getting weaker and weaker.  Until 2 ½ weeks into this nightmare my husband decided I had to have a blood test to see what was wrong with me.  On the way to town after seeing the local clinic’s doctor, I started to feel much better!  I went from really, really pale to a near normal blood test result!!  Now, I know things in the line of blood does not work like this.  God had done a miracle!  Afterwards I learned that many people prayed at exactly that time on that day for me!

But coming home, I was still stressed…..what if I got weaker again?  What if I had to go for another blood test??  I mean, drawing blood form me is not easy and this one was the best I have ever had and 

I really don’t want to test my “luck” with going again, what if, what if, what if…..and I didn’t get better, not at all!!

A week later I was worse – but now I was also in a panic!  And panics are no picnics and lead to more symptoms.  In a bad state, that’s for sure! 

Yesterday I really felt the Lord say to me that I need to accept His healing, but still I couldn’t.  I was eating the crumbs while a feast was waiting for me!  This morning I saw a facebook message from a friend…saying exactly what God was telling me – accept by faith that what He has given!!  My response was a bit like Moses’ – but God what about this and that?  What if I miss something really vital and I still have a big problem somewhere??  “What if”, and “I am afraid” seem to go hand in hand with me….but fear and faith, as I have said previously do not go together!! 

And so I took God at His word – I mean was I stupid or what?  What are my other choices?  Trusting the enemy that he is right and that I need to fear or have reasons to fear rather than trust?  Or do I trust myself??  I don’t think so!!  I took a stand and God heard my cries of apology and deep thankfulness!  I took what He gave freely to me!  And what a good day did I have!!  Praise God!

Every now and again fear poked out his ugly head but in Jesus Name I could stand and trust!  Every day is a battle for our souls and I never realized just how badly the enemy wants us to not trust God, not believe Him.  That armour is very specific is it not?  Belt of Truth!  Helmet of Salvation!  Breastplate of Righteousness!  Shield of Faith!!  Sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God!!  Shoes of willingness to spread the Gospel!!  And we need each one!!

I really want to trust God more and more and He sure works on that one!!  But He is a loving Father and really cares, why can’t I trust Him easier?  Thankful that He is patient with me!  And I hope I have learned something today!!

Bella, daughter of Zion.