Malaria....

If I am totally honest, I think that I thought I would never get malaria.  The fear of getting it did arise from time to time, but as time went on and I didn’t get it, I became quite happy and pushed it aside.  I didn’t overcome my fear of this terrible disease; I just choose to ignore it in a way.  Don’t get me wrong, we took all the precautions we could – sleeping under nets, making our home mosquito free, wearing long sleeves and all the rest, but somehow I wasn’t terrified by it as I was 7 years and 3 months ago when we first arrived in this mosquito ridden county.

Last year to my utter surprise my husband and smallest son got malaria and as I helped them get better, I realized how bad this sickness is, but not until I felt it in my own body did the terror hit! 

Isaiah 41:10 read like this to me – Fear A Lot, for I am NOT with you, be very dismayed for I am your God.  I will NOT strengthen you or help you, I will NOT uphold you with My righteous right Hand.

I felt that God had let me down.  And as in all things this came with some other disturbing emails – some were sympathetic, yes, others were telling me about people they knew who died of malaria (goodness!!), some didn’t think a REAL believer should ever even get sick and that I am not spiritual enough or using my authority to bind and blast away this blasted sickness….so I was feeling quite low to put it mildly – along with that I also had all the glorious malaria symptoms to help me along in my misery, complete with a splitting headache for 10 days and about all my redblood cells destroyed in the process along with my faith it seems…..  so there is was lying trembling in bed, wasting the precious little energy I had left….

I was not fearful of malaria, oh no, I was Terrified!!  Terrified that I would get it again, that my family would get it again or for the first time.  In a word – terrified!  I wanted to grab everyone and huddle under the mosquito net for ever, never leaving the room!!  Pathetic, I know, but at least I am honest.

Faith and fear do not walk in the same direction – one goes North and one goes South and I was going South very fast!  And it was not good.  I was feeling like a small grasshopper in the enemy’s eyes and of course my own too!  Now, does that ring a bell, I wondered??

The Lord directed me to the time the Israelites had to go spy out the land and when they came back they said this in Numbers 13 “They gave Moses this account: "We went into the land to which you sent us, and it does flow with milk and honey! Here is its fruit. But the people who live there are powerful, and the cities are fortified and very large. We even saw descendants of Anak there.  

Then Caleb silenced the people before Moses and said, "We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it."

But the men who had gone up with him said, "We can't attack those people; they are stronger than we are."

And they spread among the Israelites a bad report about the land they had explored. They said, "The land we explored devours those living in it. All the people we saw there are of great size.

We saw the Nephilim there (the descendants of Anak come from the Nephilim). We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them."

Yip, that was me, the little grasshopper.  I was feeling very sorry for the Y-people, that God chose me of all people to send to them!  I was also feeling as if a huge boot was getting ready to stamp on me and rob me of my very life, albeit a small life!  Somewhere in my malaria delirium I remembered asking Alfred if he was sure that the devil does not have the authority to kill us off one by one??  Theological doctrines have a way of dissolving when faced with real trials….

I read on in Numbers.  Caleb and Joshua was willing to trust God – they were in the Promised land, they saw the giants and the walls, but they decided that God was stronger and best of all, they knew that God was on their side! 

Numbers 14:7 “Joshua son of Nun and Caleb son of Jephunneh, who were among those who had explored the land, tore their clothes and said to the entire Israelite assembly, "The land we passed through and explored is exceedingly good.

If the LORD is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and will give it to us.

Only do not rebel against the LORD. And do not be afraid of the people of the land, because we will swallow them up. Their protection is gone, but the LORD is with us. Do not be afraid of them."

You can do all kinds of programs or courses or conferences about Spiritual Growth but really in the end it is all about trust.  Do I really, really trust God? Trust Him with EVRYTHING??

The words of the 3 friends of Daniel come to mind – Daniel 3 “Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if He does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

And then just to see God’s perspective on us not trusting Him, here is His reply to the Israelites’ unbelief…..

Num 14:11  The LORD said to Moses, "How long will these people treat me with contempt? How long will they refuse to believe in me, in spite of all the miraculous signs I have performed among them?”

Verse 23-24  “not one of them will ever see the land I promised on oath to their forefathers. No one who has treated me with contempt will ever see it. But because my servant Caleb has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring him into the land he went to, and his descendants will inherit it.”

 I guess God takes our unbelief VERY serious.

And so I choose to trust Him – even in the even if’s……He is God after all and has overcome!!  And I belong to Him!!  I choose to lift my feeble little head and look up to Him, who is Awesome in power!  And who is our God!

Bella, safe in God’s hands