Needing a reset

What do you do when you are so bone tired that you cannot think straight? Where do you go when worries rule your life? Worries about what this illness is doing to your family? When what used to be a happy home has turned into a well functioning Hospice staffed by you and your children, a carer and a friend helping out halfdays and some nights...this is me. It might be that some find us inspiring but they will never want to actually be us.

I am quite at a low. Tired of well meaning pat answers, cheerer-uppers and givers-of-so-called sound advice. But these are not the problem. No, the biggest problem is me. I need a reset. In my mind. In my heart. A reset so that i can go on again. Right now.

Living day by day is a way we all should try and apply. At this stage Planning ahead seems impossible and yet ... we need to  plan classes, fill out applications, even making the simplest of plans to go to the shop or even to the bathroom takes so much planning. It is as if we live a huge oxymoron - we cannot plan anything yet everything takes careful planning!

Back to the reset. I need a fresh take on Life as we know it. Fortunately and unfortunately nothing lasts forever. This too shall pass. But in this moment of not having time to get my head straight, i need to realize some truths.

Resetting requires Truth: And i look to The Truth, The Way and The Light....

Jesus said in His last words to His disciples that He will be with us to the end of the age. Thus, i am never alone.
Jesus prayed before His horrific impending death on a cross that this cup will be taken from Him, but “not My will but Yours”... He understands about cups that are just so bitter and of which we would rather not drink but not my will but Yours Lord. God’s will in my life.
 Paul writes  about being hungry and being full, and through all of it learning contentment and the the very misappropriated verse that he can do all things through Christ who strengthens... meaning that even though our circumstances are quite horrific (we are That Family) Christ can strengthen us to be content and come through it with our faith intact and our love for God stronger.

And so the Truth resets me. And i take heart. And i carry on, once again.

Bella