To just Be...

Fixing sadness. Fixing loneliness. Fixing feelings of despair. Basically fixing me. Or trying to. But I am unfixable. I am broken in half. How can you fix a broken cup if the one piece, the biggest piece in fact, is in a millions little,bits?? May I just have permission to be sad? Overwhelmed? Lonely? Let me be.

Does it make you uncomfortable seeing the rawness of Life in me? Does it make you fear at night? Am I the Reality check no one wants to acknowledge? 

Of course there are blessings in the trial. Silver linings. Many, many bright spots. But deep down I know the worst is still coming. Deep down I try and prepare, but to no avail. I Know the truth. I am a Realist out of the book. Enough of a pessimist to stay real, enough of an optimist to not lose Hope. So, I know. And I despair, but also do not despair. 

Why do we shy away from sadness? Why do I pretend? To me Jesus becomes real as He weeps, as He is filled with compassion, as He prays with tears. He could Fix everyone and Everything with a Word, chose not too, but followed the Father’s plan of True Redemption. 

It helps me greatly to know it is alright to be sad, to feel alone. Having loved deeply there is no other way than to feel loss deeply too. But there is Hope. And I hold on to that Eternal Hope. Life does not end here. Thank God!

For now I tilt over to the being sad part, but one day I know things will look brighter. And that makes the Now bearable. So, take heart, dear fixers. Relax. Let me be. I will be alright. Not now, not soon, but someday and then definitely One Day!

Bella