Reality of life as a missionary

“This was the true light, which gives light to everyone entering the world. He was in the world — the world came to be through him — yet the world did not know him. He came to his own homeland, yet his own people did not receive him. But to as many as did receive him, to those who put their trust in his person and power, he gave the right to become children of God, not because of bloodline, physical impulse or human intention, but because of God.”

‭‭John 1:9-13‬ ‭CJB‬‬

I was sitting with clenched fists at the weekly Bible lesson. Probably the worst missionary ever. I was angry. My white fists a sure sign of just how angry I was. I truly hoped it was a Righteous Anger, but as i continued to just sit there this anger grew in me.....not very righteous at all.

The lesson was on Jesus' crucifixion and then His glorious resurrection. What a wonderful story as we are in the Advent leading to Christmas - being reminded that Jesus, sweet as He was as a baby, was meant for so much more and would face severe pain before returning to His Father, mission completed! But no. It was not going well and thus the clenched, white fists in my lap.

I was sitting on the women's side of the little grass-roofed shelter and they were paying rapt attention? No. They were really interested? Nope. They were actually having the time of their lives and laughing at everything! If a rain drop fell through the thatch roof it was funny, if a little baby screamed her lungs out, it was something to laugh about, if the wind blew cold and wet air against them it was snickered at. They were all giggling and talking in whispers and laughing at everything! This was all still bearable, i mean free choice and everything, but when the picture of Jesus hanging on the cross was passed around and they found it hilarious it really got to me! Why was This Scene funny? And when His broken body was taken down from the cross it caused them to nearly die of laughter.....?

I felt so shocked and saddened all at the same time. Do they not hear? Do they not see? Are they all laughingly choosing death instead of Life? How could they treat my King this way?

But,

Jesus was betrayed. Mocked. Scorned. Dismissed. Laughed at. Pointed to. 

And as He was nailed to a wooden beam, His life ebbing away, in agony He still prayed....Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.

And it touched my hardened heart and i too pray....Father forgive them......

Bella, heartbroken