Into the Light

I am rather terrible at needlework. I mean, really terrible. If anything that involves sewing clutters my desk, i shudder. I am not one to procrastinate easily, but sewing related...always!!  I put it off until it is definitely the last second, but even so, my family still ask me to fix things, bless their souls!  Just small things like Sewing on a button or Fixing a seam....nothing serious or too challenging for their sewing impaired mother!

And so, on this Thursday morning i was trying to fix a small seam that came apart.  I made a mess of things, as i did not even look to see if the thread matched the colour of the fabric. Nothing out of the ordinary! I was picking away to undo my work (oh, for a delete button on sewing!) and i was struggling.  I mean struggling more than usual....

The extra problem was, that i did not have enough light where i was working, so i took my "work" over to the window to get more light on the .....uhm, subject - and then something clicked inside my brain - unfortunately still nothing in the way of making me an amazing seamstress, but still, something clicked. And it was this: I had to take my life into the Light. And only there could i really "see" what was going on.

I have had more than my fair share of challenges this past month - if only it was in sewinstuff! I had struggled to see what was going on. I was wrestling daily with things that i could not fix. I became really despondent at times and even a bit depressed.  These things started to consume me. They heaped upped. I could not stop thinking about it and it dragged me down. An unhealthy downward spiral. It also started me on "What were others thinking of me?"  I could feel a thick condemnation roll over the, oh, so dark, hills.

At the height of all this and quite timely (God's timing, of course!) a friend wrote and said that i need only be concerned by what God was thinking about me. He knows my heart AND my motives.  Am i good with Him? Bringing my life into the Light is the important factor. He needs to be the One convicting me at times, comforting me at others. God is the One True Standard.  This does not say i am not open to a word of warning or caution or conviction from people, but rather to always make sure before God. It does not matter what people think - rightly or wrongly - of my "name", only what God thinks of me. And i mean this where others might think bad of me and i cannot defend or explain myself kind of context. Obviously our conduct should be above reproach, that is also not what i mean. So don't get me wrong, i am talking about those situations where i need to put my name/reputation in His hands and trust Him for the outcome.

Just this week i taught my kids "Life is unfair/ hard but God is always good!" (I didnt realize then i would learn this lesson again myself!) Jesus did not explain or defend Himself in His last hours, even though we might think it could have changed Pilate's mind, or clarified things a bit! He said Nothing. Suffering for His Name is normal but worrying about my name is not!

If He convicts, i need to make it right and if i need justice i must trust Him for it. Only by bringing it all out in the Light will i have peace. There He can show me what i need to do - confess my sin, make it right, or just fall into His loving arms and know that He is on my side.

By bringing it into His light - all my troubles, all my spiralling thoughts - He brings calmness and perspective once again. No other way.

And so i stand in His Light in this new day!

Bella, who needs to go fix that seam.....