To Sing Again

On Sunday as I was sitting in church realizing this is the last time we will be in a church for a long time and I really had to fight back the tears……

Saying goodbye (not one of my favourite words) I just wanted to burst into tears – will I see you again?  I felt like crying……

My dad tripped over someone’s “ornamental” palisades and gashed his calf – 6 stitches later I heard about it and wanted to break down…… 

My husband hurt his back and needs to stay in bed, our trip postponed going home and now we need someone to travel with us, just in case…..ok, this time I did cry my heart out, and the tears flowed freely if I received any sympathetic look!   I am tired of having to be strong, fighting back the tears, not letting it go. 

I am not strong or very brave!  I miss family and friends with a deep ache.  I rarely cry in front of them, not because I’m strong, but because I want to spare them.  Although  I must admit, I don’t think I can hold it in much longer……I am not falling apart, I guess I want you to see the real me.  This “me” that is not strong or very brave – just an ordinary person, like you who has fears and dreams, hopes and heartaches.  Someone who goes through times of sadness, times of saying goodbye, times of wanting a bit more understanding and care. But to be fair I must say “an ordinary person serving an Extraordinary God”.  Really, without falling back on clichés, He is my Rock.  Even if people do not understand, He does.  He can handle my tears!  And I think I just would like to cry a lot right now!!  J

I love Ps 63 and it sums up what I feel.  A soul longing for God in a dry and weary land.  A soul satisfied by 

God and the best part: “Because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of Your wings.” 

Singing to me is the opposite of crying. And I have done a lot of crying and not much singing lately!  And so once again I run to You, hide me under Your wings, dry my tears, satisfy my soul and help me sing again.

Bella, in the shadow of His wings.