40-40-40?

The Bible says to count the cost….well, what if you didn’t take all into account?  And now, a few years down the line, new costs rise up?  Well, I guess that is where I am at! 

This morning I was thinking what it means to give everything up for God.  Giving up things like car, house, status, etc seems a breeze to the things that in the end Really matter!  Like not being there for family or giving up your own dreams and rights.  What if God calls you to give everything up and then calls you to do ……. nothing (of value)?  For example, Him not giving you anything important to DO.  You give up everything and then wonder if your life will mean anything on this earth.

I can really identify with Moses!  What a great man!  He SAW God!  Not that I can identify with his great ness – no, actually not at all – it is more the waiting part that strikes a chord in my heart.  I mean, he was 40 years old when he tried to do it all on his own and had to flee.  Then, for the next 40 years he, a prince, looked after sheep!  And then for the next 40 he looked after a very stubborn and unfaithful nation!  If I look at him, I do wonder if I am in the sheep-caring stage and how long this phase will last?  40 years?  Maybe some of us (i.e ME) need 40-80 years for God to accomplish His work in us?  Sure feels like that to me at the moment!

It might be a bit of mid-life thinking/evaluation here, but I realize that I would really like to have a meaningful life here on earth – it is the only chance I have!  (Actually it is not the right phrase – I want, wrongly, to have an Important life – you can lead a meaningful life and be a Nothing in the world’s eyes.) But, in all of this am I seeking to be Significant or to be Obedient?  Who is going to write a book about a mother of three boys who spent her days teaching them, cooking cleaning, washing sores and dishing out headache tablets to the village people?  I guess I would like to be more Significant than Obedient!  I would like to impact this world with a BANG!  Lead 3000 to Christ like Peter did!  See all the Y converted in a flash! Doing GREAT things for God! But then, who am I to tell God that I know better? 

And so, I guess, I pray for a heart that looks at my life through God’s eyes – things that look (extremely) insignificant down here will have Eternal value up there.  And for grace that is sufficient for me to keep on, keeping on.

Bella, servant-in-training